Sometimes I Forget What I Already Know

April 17, 2013 3 Comments

Spring has finally arrived in Central Ohio. It feels so amazing to spend hours outside watching my kids dig in the dirt and ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk. The flowers are in full bloom with pink and white trees lining our neighborhood streets.

Spring has finally arrived in Ohio

Last week the temp. reached 80 degrees and I was thrilled to put on summer-y pants and a t-shirt from my summer clothes stash.

Until I put them on, and the clothes felt a bit too tight.

You see, over the last year or two I have slowly gained about 10 pounds. My too tight t-shirt clearly showed me the extra pounds.

Now I fully realize that 10 pounds isn’t much. I am also well aware that I am not over weight. But old voices started acting up and I felt like it was time to take action and loose at least 5 of the extra pounds.

It just so happened that my friend Emilie had recently asked me if I wanted to join her in doing a 3 day juice fast. My first reaction to her request was “a 3 day juice fast just isn’t for me” but the too tight t-shirt had me thinking differently.

I wrote to tell her I was in and would start my Day 1 on her Day 2. My husband was even on board. I was all fired up to conquer the fast, shed the extra pounds (maybe even the whole 10 pounds I’ve gained!) and fit comfortably into my t-shirt again.

I went to Whole Foods and bought a crap load of juice (we don’t have a juicer) and set out to complete 3 days of drinking only juice and smoothies. I had bright visions of cleaning out my organs, losing some weight and reinvigorating my healthy eating habits.

Day 1 of the juice fast started out okay. I poured myself some green juice, added a little hemp protein, drank it down and felt awesome all morning.

Green juice with Hemp protein

(I realize that adding the hemp protein is breaking the rules of a “real” juice fast but I know I get mean when I don’t eat enough protein. It was for the benefit of everyone around me. And also should have been a clue that I was making a mistake.)

Lunch meant another juice, this time a fancy pressed juice ala Blue Print. Soooo yummy and I was convinced a juice fast was the best thing ever — and was plotting a juicer purchase ASAP.

And then around 4pm everything changed.

I felt like to took about 4 Benedryls, couldn’t complete a thought, and felt a headache coming on. I drank some more juice and nothing improved. The kids were being kids and I couldn’t focus on anything let alone tend to their needs, get dinner ready, clean up the house, and all the other demands of mothering in the evening hours.

It was pretty clear that the juice fast wasn’t going to be easy and I found myself asking myself: “Why am I even doing this?”

I couldn’t come up with a good answer. Instead I called it quits and put a chicken in the oven for our dinner, which I happily ate with some sautéed brussel sprouts.

Deep down I knew that the juice fast wasn’t a good idea for me all along.

I’ve done a lot of experimentation with the way I eat and paid very close attention to how the foods I eat help me, or keep me from, feeling my best.

I know I don’t do well when I eat a lot of raw food. I need to eat frequently to keep my mood balanced. I truly depend on animal protein in my diet.

Knowing all this, why would I think that a 3 day juice cleanse was a good idea?

I knew that the juice fast wasn’t a good idea. But I did it anyway.

  • I did it because I felt a need, coming from how others might look at me and old body image wounds, to shed a few extra pounds.
  • I did it because I thought that if it was good for my friend it must be good for me.
  • I did it because I didn’t trust my own intuition and instincts.
  • I did it because I didn’t believe my own self knowledge. I doubted myself.

I don’t regret trying the juice fast by any means. It gave me the wonderful opportunity to remind myself that I really do know what is best for me.

Maybe I will attempt a juice fast again — when I can be by myself, with lots of movies to watch, art work to create, and journals to fill. Maybe a few juice fasting friends to join me in a cabin in the woods or a house on a beech somewhere.

For now, I’ll stick to what I know.

If I really want to shed a few extra pounds I’ll add some more exercise into my life and eat more green things.

The other thing is I can do is buy some new looser fitting t-shirts for the summer. Because it could be that the real problem is the t-shirt is just too small for the real me. Maybe I’m just fine (yes, actually, I know that I am).

Do you ever find yourself making decisions based on what other people think is a good idea? Or do you sometimes second guess your instincts? Do you feel a disconnect between how others see you and the person you are deep inside?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions then you should sign up for my new e-course Presenting You. Plus, it’s Free. Isn’t it time to get clear on the Real You you want to share with the world?

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Filed in: Blog, Life, Self Exploration

Comments (3)

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  1. Yvonne says:

    Very familiar 🙂 No, not the juice fast or the idea of dieting, but your ‘motives’ for going against the grain! ‘Everybody’ is so powerful! Trying to get out from under spending too much time with Them myself, right now. Loved reading this 🙂

    • kelly says:

      I love how you put that Yvonne, “Trying to get out from under spending too much time with Them”. It is a choice of who we spend time with, isn’t it, even if the time is only in our heads. Especially then.

  2. Stacey says:

    This is awesome. I, too, am about 15 lbs. overweight– not what a long-distance trail runner expects– but here I am. I was looking at Emilie’s juice fast too, but I, like you, do not function well on just juice. Instead, I’m doing Hannah Marcotti’s old 10-Day Green Up that I had squirreled away for just such an emergency. Green stuff and more intensity in my running now that my injuries are clearing up. I’ll be thinking of you. You can check my progress with it at my blog. 🙂 Loving your work as always.


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